Keeping Safe

Keeping a submissive safe is a huge responsibility and it is something I take very seriously. After all, their life and well-being is literally in My hands.

I am impressed when a submissive takes responsibility for their health and safety and communicates their concerns well. To make this conversation a bit easier, I’ve decided to list all the things I can think of that I do to keep Myself and My submissives safe. Since we all know that BDSM is an exchange, I have also listed things a submissive can do to contribute to a safe and healthy session. After all, playing safe can be a huge turn on for everyone! :-)

Keeping Myself Safe

• Before playing I always ensure I am well hydrated, well rested, have eaten and am in the right head space to be present with My submissive. I play within My own limits and am aware of My triggers. 

• I never play under the influence. I may have 1-2 glasses of wine if the scenario allows it. My subs safety depends on Me being 100% alert and present. Also, I will not engage in golden play while taking prescribed medication (i.e. antibiotics) because they can be passed to My submissives through the consumption of urine.

• I maintain current STI testing and immunizations. 

• I continually wash my hands with antiseptic hand soap after any contact with bodily fluids.

Keeping My Submissives Safe

• When coming to a session, I don’t need to see your ID, but make sure I know where it is in case an emergency occurs.

• I know CPR and always have a first aid kit. Please never play with someone who does not have these basic things!

• I am knowledgeable about body mechanics, skeletal, muscular and fascial structures and safe areas on the body for impact play.

• I clean all toys that comes into contact with skin with bleach and warm water. Well I don't, you will afterwards. 😉

• I sanitize all implements and surfaces after each use. I used Lysol wipes, which is not the best but works. Since the pandemic, I have not been able to acquire medical-grade cleaning supplies. It works. 

• During more extreme play, I provide a safe word (or gesture if unable to speak). I use the standard “red” (to stop and check in to decide is we are continuing with an activity or stopping), “yellow” (if feeling overwhelmed or need Me to decrease the intensity of what I’m doing), and sometimes “orange” (depending on the protocol) to renegotiate position. If a sub is unable to communicate verbally (due to gag, hood, being instructed not to speak without permission or unable to speak when in subspace), I give them a safe gesture. This could be holding up 2 fingers, or dropping an item placed in their hand.

• I always keep my play area cooler than what is comfortable. Overheating and dehydration with this type of play is a real safety concern. 

• Making sure My sub is well hydrated is also important. Drink plenty of water before. 

• I use padding between My subs knees and ankles when having them in tight compression bondage (bone on bone is never a pleasant sensation). 

• I check in more frequently with first timers or when playing with someone for a first time.

• If My sub appears anxious or overwhelmed, I always take a break from play to check in and reassure them that they are safe with Me and readjust intensity/activity if required.

• I always ask a submissive about their medical and mental health considerations, triggers and aftercare requirements in addition to their interests and limits.

• Always allow time for aftercare. It’s common to experience a shock-like response after heavy pain or other intense play. Taking time for adequate aftercare can help you avoid danger.

• Plan for snacks or meals for an extended or overnight session (Did someone say wining and dining on the town while wearing a chastity device, butt plug and collar?)

• I follow up 2-3 days after playing with someone (this is how long it typically takes for brain chemicals to return to normal levels). This check in creates an opportunity for post play communication, aftercare and relationship building.

• My personal lubricants are kept in bottles which are disinfected after every use. 

• This one may be disappointing… I sanitize My shoes/boots after each tongue cleaning/worship. Not to worry, it is easy enough to get them in need of shining again. On the bright side, I sometimes make My subs do the cleaning.

• I also wash My feet after contact of any kind with each person. If you want to worship My feet after the gym or after a long day of shopping in stockings, this can always be arranged with a bit of notice.

Submissives Keeping yourself Safe

• Have a light meal 2-hours before your session and arrive well hydrated and well rested.

• Let your Dominant know if you want to take more or less. There is nothing more frustrating for Me than getting an message the day after a session from a submissive saying they wished I went harder. Harder I can do! All you need to do is ask. 

• Don’t be afraid to use your safe word or gesture. Calling “red” just means I will stop immediately and check in. We can decide together if we continue, modify or stop an activity.

• Tell Me if you are having sharp pain, dizziness, weakness or shortness of breath.

• Tell Me if you have tested positive for STIs or blood borne pathogens. This doesn’t mean I won’t play with you; it just means I will be able to do a better job of keeping you, Me and others safe.

• Never play under the  influence of alcohol or drugs as this can affect tolerance and communication. Being in an altered state ultimately negates consent making it impossible to engage in BDSM activities which should always be safe, sane and consensual. Even smoking weed counts.

• Please disclose if you have a history of depression (you will be more susceptible to sub drop), anxiety, PTSD or anything else that may affect your play or aftercare requirements. I will still play with you but will make Me check in on you more often. 

• Bring your own toys to a session or play party. Many people feel more comfortable using their own gear and toys.

• Listen to your body. If you need more time for aftercare or need a break during play, let Me know. Tell Me about any known triggers and if they surface during a scene.

• Consent can be withdrawn at any time. You do not owe it to Me to continue with an activity that you previously consented to if you want to stop.

M